Dear Mama,
Now that I am one, there are some things you and I need to discuss...
1. I would like my own blog posts (which I am now instituting). It seems only fair, given that you have been rattling on about me for the past year, without my prior consent. I have a voice. I have opinions. I have a brain.
2. I would like you to stop referring to me as "Your Little Bubba". I am one. I am big. I can eat two weetbix for breakfast.
3. What's with the tears every time I achieve a milestone? You should be applauding me, not moping around the house like somebody died! I'm supposed to grow up. I'm supposed to learn to do things for myself. Can you imagine if I stayed a baby forever... you would never be able to wear white again!
4. I love George. George and I wrestle because it's fun. I bite him and pull his hair and yank his ears because that's what boys do! If you had a giant lion to wrestle, I bet you would. Maybe you are just jealous?
5. Dada is cool. Why? Just because. Stop trying to out-cool him. You are a girl. You are not cool. You are Mama.
6. I would like you to stop dressing me in girl's clothes. I know you think nobody can tell, but they can! They are called "tights' because they are tight! I weigh 12kgs... do you really think it's appropriate?
7. I don't like green food. Yuck. Please, don't even try, I'm NEVER going to eat broccoli!
8. Are you aware it's 2011? We could be living in 1952 for the way you carry on! Vintage teddies, vintage books, vintage furniture... get with the times woman!
9. I hate wearing hats. You keep putting them on and I keep taking them off. To save ourselves years of tedium, shall we just agree to ditch the headwear?
10. You are warm and snuggly and soft and cuddly... but so not cool... because you are Mama!
Love
The Monkey
